The week between Christmas and New Year is never quiet or mundane...unless you live alone or are spending the holidays without family or loved ones. In this case, it's not really a holiday in your heart.

We all are conditioned to think of the holidays as filled with all good things; just like our stomachs after a hearty Christmas dinner. We envision beautiful snow frosting the landscape and coating Christmas lights, making them look even more magical. We think of all the glorious gifts beneath the largest, fullest tree, fully dressed in lights and ribbons, and adorned with ornaments from years past. Relaxing fireside, hot chocolate in hand, we reminisce years gone by, how the children have grown, and now have babies of their very own. Did I forget to mention the Christmas carols? They play ad nauseum everywhere you go. Such a sweet reminder that we should be feeling happy; joy should be bursting forth from our hearts. Our cups runneth over and we should be thankful for everything we have been given. What about what was never given, or even worse, taken away?

At holiday time I think about the perfect gift; one we could give freely. Intangible, yet so useful. Timeless, yet meant to last a lifetime. You can never hold it in your hand, but you can hold it in your heart. No shopping or shipping necessary. As far as I am concerned, it should be on everyone's list. It is sadly overlooked, and undervalued.

My friends, I speak about matters of the heart. I speak to those with hearts shattered like a dropped glass ornament. I speak to hearts wounded, weary, and empty. I speak to you; I've been there. I understand.

So here's what I know. The most important thing to acknowledge is where we are now. Acknowledge our losses, our raw pain that makes our hearts throb, in-between beats. We walk in grief, wandering aimlessly, as though if we take long enough, we might stumble into some happiness somewhere along the way. Especially at this time of year, we ARE lost. There is no roadmap or GPS to finding healing for our hearts. Until...we realize...we're NOT the only ones.

You see, lonely does not mean "alone." In our loneliness we are not alone. We might feel alone, but we are not the only ones who are in that predicament. There are many who hammer on, going through the motions daily, with an empty heart. Sadly, we just carry on, thinking of the perfectly happy people who "have it all," want for nothing, and have not a care in the world. Their lives are lived in a gingerbread house, with a well-manicured, flower-lined path leading to the front door. They have no worries, no bills, no illness.They had the PERFECT childhood (aka no abuse,) and their fairytale has limitless pages. After all, why should a perfect life EVER end?

The reality is that there is no such fairy tale in real-life. Not one living person has a flawless life. We all have our issues. What makes each of us different is how we handle our issues. You see, as I discuss in my memoir, Room in the Heart; Surviving a Childhood Undone, Fulfilling a Pact to Love, I was horribly emotionally abused by my parents. I had no relatives to rescue me. I cried myself to sleep, asking God for just ONE day of happiness in my life. I wanted to know what happiness felt like. I wanted to be loved, cherished, WANTED. Night after night, I fell asleep on a pillow wet from tears. Why was I unwanted, hated,and completely inconvenient?

Then one night it dawned on me. I was still here. They were unsuccessful at hating me away, but I was alive for a reason, and it was my job to persevere until I found that reason. In essence, I decided that there was a purpose I was destined for, and I could start living like a person with purpose. I took the chance to trust that I had nothing to lose by trying to practice living like a happy and loved person. Yes, I still cried myself to sleep many nights, but then I wiped away the tears and dared to dream. What did I have to lose?

You know what? Eventually I did find the happiness I believed would one day would come. How? Instead of looking at all the kids at school who had parents who loved them, and wishing I could be in their place, I decided to watch carefully to learn what loving parents did. I believed that I would be a loving parent- unlike my own. I replaced every thought based on "I wish I had..." with "I WILL have!" I decided that I was in a dress rehearsal for the day when happiness would come my way~not IF it came my way! Interestingly, although GPS can tell you how long it takes to arrive at a destination, there is no way to determine how long it will be until happiness will find you. BUT- if you are reading this, you are still here! If you are still here, your purpose awaits you. It is when you find your purpose that your happiness will come along with it. You can be- will be- the gift that has yet to arrive.

For now, embrace that you might not be where you would like to see yourself. Then, mentally, yet realistically take yourself to where you want to be. Sure, some things are not attainable, but what are viable options? This might take some brainstorming, but what do we have to lose? As one of my amazing therapists said when I was teetering on the ledge of the 5th floor balcony; "You cannot jump. There is nowhere to fall, because you are already at the bottom." These words embedded themselves in the forefront of my brain. On that fateful day I realized that I still had a purpose.

So... Even if you are spending the holidays alone, remember this; you are still here. You have not yet met your purpose. Even if you feel alone, you will not be alone forever. Your purpose will bring you not only to those who need you, but also to those you need- all because you are still here! You have the choice; you can choose to remain sad, or you can rehearse for happier days ahead. You DO matter, you ARE worthy, and your sadness will not last forever...as long as you don't choose to hold onto it! You can chose to keep your heart continuously filled with anger and bitterness, or you can release them, to allow room for happiness. Don't wait for spring to do spring cleaning in your heart! Get rid of the unhappiness and anger you don't need. Make room for happiness!

The choice is yours. I understand your feelings; I've been there. I know things take time. I also know that you DESERVE happiness, and you don't have to wait for it to find you. Now is the time to purge your heart of all the things you do not wish to drag into the new year. Take the time to dream of how you want to be feeling next year this time. Take the time to see yourself as one who is meant to better this world. Take the time to take care of yourself...because it all starts with you. You matter, you are not alone, and you are still here! When your purpose comes, it will all have been worth it. Your appreciation of better days, happiness and purpose will be sweeter than you could even try to imagine! But for now, just try...to imagine... the happy times ahead.

From my hopeful heart to yours, I send you the gift of believing in, and patience for awaiting your purpose. I wish you sweet dreams of the happiness and fulfillment that await you! Remember that dreams do come true. Yours will, too!