We are here. We are survivors. We are warriors. And even when we are too tired to fight, our blood still courses through our veins to bring us to where we are. Our weak flesh and sullen souls are somehow still intact despite what tried killed us.

But we blame ourselves. Why? WHY didn’t we walk away long ago. WHY were we chosen to be the victims we never volunteered to become? WHY are we left with the baggage, pain, anger, confusion, and depression? Where was the mercy we deserved? WHY was it okay for our abusers to saddle us with horrors that are often too burdensome to bear.

I come to you as one who started where you are. I was filled with unparalleled, cooped-up rage that felt equivalent to an entire ocean fit into a small boat. I begged my husband to hurt me on the outside, so I could feel a physical pain that I could watch heal. I never remembe a time I felt love and belonging from my family-my abusers. My boundaries were banished, screams silenced, soul smothered. I knew this abuse was wrong, but I also wondered what was real.

More than anything, the crucial aspect of surviving abuse is to hold onto anything you can still feel and believe. Memories of what was before the abuse began. Faces of people who were kind to you. Places that brought you joy. Dreams-even if they hadn’t yet come true- that brought your soul home. Survival is the rock we cling to when gravity stubbornly pulls. Sadly we weren’t outfitted with all the apparatuses climbers need. Our rucksacks were as empty as our hope.

I learned the hard way; we likely won’t get an apology even if our abuser is still living. We need to keep on walking- away from our abuse. But how?

We’ve outgrown our shoes. They seemed to have become smaller even when we felt growth was something that only happened to those with the freedom to flourish. We were the plant with no light or water; it would never become rooted, let alone potbound to warrant repotting to allow for new growth.

I am grateful to have found the oasis that waters not only my soul but the souls of many. This oasis has a name; “Healing.” With many years of therapy and hard work, I disabled and demolished the part of me that subconsciously supported my abusers’ mission. These arrogant, mentally ill evildoers schooled my soul to autoplay a tape loop that repeated ad nauseam, “You are a loser. You never mattered. We wanted to abort you. We can’t ever love you unless you change.”

Guess what? I HAVE changed! I do matter and am loved by many. I severed from my mind, heart, and soul, both my abusers and their tape loop. I am free to pursue helping others heal, just as I did. I learned that some refuse to change; my abusers and sadly, some who’ve been abused but close themselves off from others to remain safe from further harm. They end up causing damage; the sharp shrapnel they harbor morphs into bullets aimed at others who trigger their unresolved fear and angst. No one wins in that toxic, dysfunctional scenario.

I escaped from my abuse and abusers barefooted. I had no replacement for my outgrown shoes. At times I walked on uneven pavement and protruding pebbles that sliced through the skin on my feet. But then I learned that these wounds heal and I need to be more discerning with where I chose to endeavor, for there will always be unwanted, unsafe debris along our journey.

I now walk comfortably and confidently in my new shoes. They support my soul wherever I choose to go. They fit perfectly, and I wear them proudly. And when anyone steps on my feet, my shoes are the protection that allow me to walk, even run away.

Have you outgrown your shoes? If so, I hope you cast them away and keep on walking. Don’t worry; being barefoot allows you to feel- really FEEL what you couldn’t, in those old foot coverings that bound you and left you in constant pain. Free yourself! Why keep these painful remnants of what will never again fit you?

You will soon find the perfect shoes to honor your healed feet. Wear them honorably as you walk to wherever your soul wants to wander. But remember this: not all who wander are lost.

We are all where we were meant to be. We have the power to find ourselves and find one another. Shoes not only changed Cinderella’s life. They can change ours too!