Today is a beautiful autumn day. We went to the farmers’ market for our usual Saturday coffee/muffin date. We sat outside and listened to live music then bought our fresh baked bread, tomatoes, corn, and peaches. I wandered through the beautiful bunches of fresh flowers and took in all the vivid colors. And then I remembered.

Several years ago, this wouldn’t be a blog I’d be writing. I was too depressed to write anything.

The farmers’ market would be filled with smiling people; I couldn’t summon a smile. The coffee and muffin wouldn’t have sufficed; eating was the only thing that numbed my soul, and a 5 muffin minimum would have been the norm. Music would have been muted by the loud thoughts in my head that were telling me my life wasn’t worth living. Flowers-they were only useful for funerals. Hardly anything moved my “stuck” soul; I lived in a world so dark, dust couldn’t dance.

Then came the day; an ordinary day that turned extraordinary. I decided I needed to either stop living or stop dying.

Seeing a therapist brought me from feeling nothing to feeling more than I ever wanted to explore. Biweekly she guided me in returning to my childhood abuse as a powerful woman to rescue the hurting child that was me. She helped me understand that childhood abuse is internalized from the heart and soul of a vulnerable, innocent child. When, as an adult, we revisit our perception of the damage, we rescue and protect the child. Together, my therapist and I gathered insight, identified patterns in my abuser’s behavior, and considered new coping mechanisms.

Many sessions, copious tears, and an eating disorder later, I have found the healing I so desperately needed. It all came down to learning what my boundaries were and how to honor and protect them. That’s what recovering from abuse looks like; adopting BOUNDARIES! Mine were dishonored, violated, and wiped away. GOOD NEWS; we can replace them with better, stronger versions of who we were before our abuse. Upon healing, we are the latest and greatest edition of ourselves. We are no longer fodder for belittling, bargaining, or boundary bashing.

Welcome to the best part of my story! You might not yet know this; there are so many blessings to come your way! This bird has escaped the cage and is free to fly!

After healing, I’ve flown fast and far. My soul has soared over splendid scenery and landed anywhere and everywhere I chose to be. And you know what? My boundaries are with me, unequivocally. They are my song in every season. They are the gate that opens for me to wander and ponder, yet remains closed to soul-stealers and those who invalidate my intent.

Mostly, my healing has brought such bountiful blessings! Despite the eating disorder I’ve battled, I’ve made incredible friends from my eating disorder program; they will always live in the sweetest part of my heart. We have a bond so nurturing, and based on such beautiful honesty. My relationships with all who celebrate the rebirth of my being are truly exquisite . My healing has brought an understanding of unconditional love and acceptance; these are absolutely essential to healing. I’ve replaced my former vulnerability with my own validation. I know who I am and what my intentions are. I am genuine and lean into my challenges. And when my boundaries are threatened, I have the insight to figure out why, and how I will reinforce them. I own them. I own myself.

More than anything, I’ve found my voice! I’ve begun this blog and two Facebook pages to help others find their voice as well. Best of all, now I know I’m always where I am supposed to be; much of the time it is sitting beneath a very old tree.

There is something special about this majestic, mature tree. It is the catalyst for the center of my soul to embolden the words I write. This is where my soul is rooted, and I am grounded. It is where I draw my inspiration to continue to become all I was created to be. It is strong and mighty, just like you will be when you heal.