In my own world, this past week has been anything but complacent. Yes, I write this post with tears in my eyes. This past week, three close friends lost someone they loved; one 25 years of age, another barely 30, and the last in his early 50’s. The two youngest two died from cancer.

Clearly, the medical field has made great strides in some areas of cancer research, yet not enough in others. So many people have lost their lives to cancer, and far too many continue to brave this battle daily. I don't know when a cure will finally be found, but I do know this: we need to find a way to carry on a legacy for our loved ones who are no longer here to do this for themselves. We all know that is what they would want.

How? How do we put aside our anger and pain from the loss of loved ones, to live the lives they would want us to? How do we stop searching for a safe place to put our burning rage? How do we face forward and pave a new path?

One thing I do know; most importantly, we need to honor what our loved ones were about, what they held dearest to their hearts, and what they died without having yet-accomplished. Yes, doing this will bring immeasurable grief to our already-aching hearts. No, we cannot push our pain into the darkest corner of our heart, believing it will stay at bay. It simply doesn't work that way. Don't we all wish it did?

Akin to how we must work through the anger stemming from the abuse many of us endured at the hands of others, it is up to us to delve through the pain of loss due to cancer. We watched our loved ones suffer, only to then die. We are expected to accept their death because it ended their suffering. Why does death have to be the best option and the lesser of two evils?

I attended a lecture given by Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Maury.) At this lecture I heard words which I will always keep at the forefront of my heart: it is our duty to keep the essence of our loved ones alive. You see, to carry on the legacy of who they were and the difference they made in the world, WILL keep them alive...even to others who never had the opportunity to know them. In this way, they will live on through future generations. How beautiful is that?

With every loss, we grieve, we stumble and fall, we manage to stand up again, trip every now and then... and eventually, if we allow ourselves to, we realize that we are still here for a reason, and we can decide to walk away from our pain and face the concept of a new day! Now let me take that one step further; we can give ourselves permission to stop searching for why our loved ones had to die, and begin to seek ways to incorporate their meaning into our lives. Given time, this can bring so much more beauty and color to your life than you ever imagined.

When we accept the physical loss of our departed loved-ones, and truly embrace all that they lived for, we begin to find an insatiable desire to rekindle their passion within ourselves. Why shouldn't we? This is the most wonderful way to honor who they were, while furthering all they accomplished, yet left unfinished.

On tombstones there is a dash in-between the dates of birth and death. This dash should translate to “they lived!" Really, whether cancer takes a two year-old, or someone in their 90's, all people have a legacy to leave--and that should be honored.

To elaborate, a friend of mine lost her adorable son, Dante, to cancer at 27 months of age. This little guy was the precious lantern that provided light for all who knew him throughout his fight with this monstrous disease. He smiled through bouts of nausea, and made others laugh through their own tears. Perhaps he was too young to fully understand the unfairness of his cancer, but his family holds a party each year to honor his birthday, and his new siblings feel a part of him within their own lives. Another friend, had breast cancer in her early 40's, lost both in-laws to cancer within a short period of time, while simultaneously helping her own sister through 2 bouts with cancer. What does my friend do now? She volunteers for hospice! She took her grief and turned it into giving!

Giving, my friends, is what our hearts were made to do. Let the grief fall away, dust off those memories and allow your departed loved one to shine. There are brighter days ahead. This, I promise you.

Lastly, remember that we are still here! We have the chance to spread the joy, the love, and the wisdom our loved ones tended. It need not die with them. Love keeps and is not perishable... Let it fill your heart, and push out the pain.

Breathe again... Winter will soon give way to spring...