I am always late for everything. My family jokes I will even be late for my own funeral. Let’s hope so…as in 45 years late!

Fun fact: I even have some of our clocks set for 15 minutes fast, so I might actually be on time! No matter what time I wish for it to be however, time is honest, steadfastly stubborn, and refuses to lie for us. The clock keeps ticking away. Nothing we can do will serve to stop it. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could make it fast-forward when we are looking forward to something we wish happened yesterday? Even better, the perfect scenario— if we could stop time, and prevent things we wish never happened in the first place. We all wish for that. Especially those of us who’ve been hurt horribly.

If it were a perfect world, this would be the case for us. But it’s not- and we cannot. We can, however learn to embrace the ticking of time, and use every moment from now on, to make things right within our own souls. It’s time. Trust me, IT’S TIME!

Those who abused us may have had their own reasons for committing these horrible acts. Whether it occurred only once, or went on for years, it is NOT okay. It never was, and never will be. I believe that it is NOT our responsibility to forgive them; doing this might invalidate and trivialize what they did. It scorched our souls… making time stand still for us, incarcerating every inch of our being in a prison of pain. The moment they decided it was oaky to abuse us, even if they didn’t call it that, was the very same moment our contract with them to hold mutual respect, was declared null and void. Their choice, not ours.

Here’s the deal where we are concerned… Just as we can’t move the hands of time backwards to erase them from our lives, we CAN evict them from our head, where they have been living rent-free. They broke the lease. They broke our hearts. They are not welcome to step across the “welcome” mats to the doors of our soul. Like the clock hands that march onward, round the clock face, it is time to face forward to a future without another second of the pain they inflicted upon us. Every second counts; we are so deserving! We ALWAYS were.

Here’s where reality kicks in. We got used to our pain from our abuse. It became our normal, and many times, in a weak moment, we crave that familiar feeling, and literally or figuratively go back for a cup of tea, or worse, and overnight stay. We make the meatloaf AND bake the brownies. Know this; the FEAST IS OVER! We ended the abuse yet hold onto the pain; while we evicted our abuser, the pain is all that remains of the abuser and abuse. This pain serves to bring back that familiar feeling of the actual abuse that was the only constant we ever knew. Guess what? This is a visit akin to repeatedly cutting your skin each time you use a scissors. It's such a predictable probability; with each contact, pain is a guarantee. Some things never change, not even with time. Is that an experience you want to repeat over and over again? I’d rather a splinter underneath my fingernail!

Just for one minute, ponder where and whom you might be were you not abused and hurt. What might you be doing now? In my memoir, Room in the Heart; Surviving a Childhood Undone, Fulfilling a Pact to Love, I share my last letter to my mother. I thanked her; she made me everything I am, by teaching me everything NOT to be. Note- I did not invite her back in. Her key will never again fit the looks on my door or to my soul. She will never get another chance to practice her craft on me (after my giving her hundreds too many.) So how can we all use this to move on to a better, happier place? It starts right now.

There will never be a better time to journey onto our path towards healing and happiness. It begins with taking the time to determine what gives us joy and what takes it away. Joy can be anything from watching a good movie, to giving someone a gift, especially if it is simply the gift of your time. I call this "making a difference." When we are kind to those who show us respect and endearment, we make ourselves happy. This is good karma; I promise you that it WILL come back around to you! Replace the familiar backpedaling towards recycling pain with the endorphins from reaching inside of yourself, and making a heart smile. It is addicting. It feeds our soul. It is your ticket to moving forward, and away from what will soon be behind you. My impetus for writing my book was to share how I walked away from the pain that imprisoned me, and found more happiness I could ever have dreamed possible.

Facing counter-clockwise is counter-productive. Facing the future is fantastic! The hands on the clock move forwards, and so should you. Let’s face it; you have earned this happiness. Claim it! It is yours for the taking and the keeping! Now is the time… IT’S YOUR TIME!