“I wish you were never born. You are dead to me. You don’t matter- to me or to anyone else. You are stupid and ugly. I. HATE. YOU.”

These are words many of us have heard too many times to mention. We don’t even know how to block them out anymore. In fact, we begin to believe them, accepting them as fact. Of course, they don’t make us feel good about ourselves or our future, but they weren’t meant to. They were meant to break us down like an empty box being recycled. This toxic language renders us ripe for being recycled to the next person in line, waiting to use us to mop up their needs. We are expert at finding those who are more than willing to abuse us. We know one thing; we are temporary. We are only as good as our willingness to stay and listen to this toxic cesspool that spews freely to flow through us and surround us.

Abuse. There are no other terms to describe the emotional and sometimes even physical insults to our personhood Sadly we are not treated like we are people. We are subhuman in their eyes. They are apathetic and have no heart. We are nothing but a recipient of their madness.

I have heard it mused: once a victim, twice a volunteer. When we stay we both volunteer to condone the abuse of and enable the abuser. Our abusers are addicted to our being the recipient of their anger and frustration. The only way they can assure we will stay is to remove any potential boundaries and reduce us to being theirs for the taking.

If you see yourself in the previous paragraphs above, read on. You recognize you are being abused. You know in your heart you DO deserve better. You never signed up for this. The unwritten contract is null and void, and you have unwillingly served your time. It’s time. There will never be a better time to run for the hills! Let’s face it; when it comes to you versus them, only one will win. It might as well be YOU! You already know what losing to them feels like. They have already proclaimed you a loser-their loser.

Leaving seems so insurmountable, dangerous, perilous. They want and need you to stay. When they catch wind of your decision to leave the tides will turn. They will bribe you, make promises, and do whatever they must to coerce you to stay. Recognize this pattern. Decide whether you CHOOSE to be a VICTIM or a VOLUNTEER. It is YOUR choice. Remember this: only after you leave will your past abuse become clearer. At first, it is lonely, frightening, and shockingly quiet. No more being surrounded by sharp words which cut like a pocketknife. No more being swept across the floor then under the rug, like crumbs of stale bread. No more feeling discarded and forgotten like yesterday’s trash. We have come to learn that every day is trash day. Consistently we have seen that things will not change unless we do. Our abuser will find someone to replace us and we need to recognize that we, too will find another abuser unless we learn from our abuse. Find a therapist to help you recognize the warning signs we ignored in our past.

In my book, Room in the Heart I included the last letter I wrote to my abusers. It was my declaration I wasn’t ever going back to accept their abuse. I knew they wouldn’t “get it,” but I needed to declare my freedom. I was taking back all I was supposed to be and all I would become.

I have become so many things. Since I reclaimed my life I have become a better wife, mother, friend, and advocate for you-you know who you are. You do have worth, you matter and you have so much more to give to contribute to the world. You deserve better and it’s time to accept the gift of a tomorrow worth looking towards. I believe in you. I know that you have it within you to find your place within the safety of a soul bound for freedom.

Take it. Head for the hills. What a spectacular horizon awaits you!