Last night I had a dream. It was more like a nightmare.

I awakened wishing I never knew you or the abuse you perpetuated with the assistance of my father, sister and everyone else with whom you so willingly shared your version of our interactions. Our story could never have ended well. Nightmares never do.

I tossed and turned, hoping I would turn one way and you, the other. Kind of like when couples part and they each go their separate ways. Or maybe you would fall out of my bed while I stayed safe and warm beneath my covers, hiding from you and your wrath. Like a bottle full of lies, you would go crashing to the floor, and I would sweep your shards and synicism into a dustpan, then haul you out to the street on a Monday- trash day.

How dare you seep into my sleep. How dare chase me through my childhood, then continue to haunt my adulthood? How dare you continue to unlock my door? Did you not know you are unwelcome? Do you think you are entitled to all me?

My blinds are drawn and I’ve dead-bolted my door. But for years and years, my heart remained open, awaiting all the love and kindness I believed was there all along. I imagined that your love and compassion were in hiding, ready and waiting to find their way into my heart. It was only a matter of time. I knew it would be worth waiting for. I just knew it.

But time passed and you never showed. Like a symbol of your affection, you dangled your string of pearls in front of my face, then gave them away to my sister. You gifted all of your love to her while I waited for even a trinket from your treasure box full of all the things that offered you depth and worth. But eventually I realized they were just “things” you cherished, and I was refuse you didn’t have need for.

You see, although you continued to saturate my days and nights with your abuse, I realized you were only a mother because you gave birth to me. Rats bear babies too, then eat their young. Day by day, week by week you carved away at me, but little did you know you were only refining who I was bound to become.

You used me like a rag, to mop me up and discard me. You never learned to love me as a mother should.

You never had any reservation to crush and recycle me repeatedly; I was fodder for some great conversations with your friends and my relatives. You were the one who had the latest and greatest news. I made sensational headlines. "Read all about it!"

Eventually I read between the lines and realized there would never be a forever after. Time to cancel the subscription for repudiation.

For you, my address has changed and my phone number is unlisted. You have lost all rights to me. My whereabouts and my heart are unavailable to you.

Life goes on. My life and my plans, and my hopefulness. I have a family of five children and a husband who love me more than I could ever have imagined possible. I am whole and happy. I belong and believe in a tomorrow that offers value and virtue. For my husband, children and all who live in my heart I offer all of me.

I now know I can only be who I was created to be. In truth I finally realize I have never been less than that, and only look forward to becoming even more.

Just watch me.