Did you just hear that noise?

I did! It was my own heart...happily beating away! And since you are reading this, I am thrilled to know that your heart continues to beat, as well! You see, we are survivors, and every now and then, we need to be reminded of that.

Those endless nights we cried ourselves to sleep, and those days we wished had never even begun...They are over. We have turned that page- and are busily rewriting our own story. Oh, we have so much time to make up for and wake up for!

I celebrate so much more than my beating heart this week; my 55th birthday is on Wednesday, February 24th. For survivors like us all, birthdays are so much more than just another day.

I vividly remember a few months after my 31st birthday... I thought it would be my last; I had no will to make it to another birthday. I had three boys, aged 4, 2, and 2 months. I simply could not deal any longer with the life-long rejection I received from my parents, especially my mother. The years of their abuse had taken so much of my life; I just couldn't believe I had much living left to do. I looked at our beautiful boys, but could not imagine how to truly love them with a full heart, when my own mother couldn't love me. I was such an unequivocally loving mother for them- and everyone assured me of this; yet I continued to crave the loving I never received from my own mother. I only wanted to hear from my parents that I was loved, I was worthy, and that I made them proud. I always wanted to be Daddy's girl; this was denied by my abusive, empty-souled and intensely jealous mother, because she said that would be "incestuous."

On just another one of those "giving-my-all-from-a-tired-hurting-soul" days, I stepped onto our 5th floor balcony ledge. I truly questioned how I could be worthy of being a good mother to our children. If my own parents would not love me, how could I truly love my own children? I called my sweet, loving husband to say goodbye. After I thanked him for everything he was for me and our children, he made me promise to do one thing before I ended my life; I had to call my therapist, Marilyn. In looking back, I know he trusted her to help me see the reality of things. God was there to ensure the fulfillment of His end of our pact, but couldn't do it without ME! (You can read more about this pact, and how God fulfilled it, in my soon-to-be-released memoir, Room in the Heart; Surviving a Childhood Undone, Fulfilling a Pact to Love.)

I did call Marilyn, and I will never, ever forget her strong, compassionate, reassuring response. With unwavering conviction, she told me why I could not jump. She explained, "YOU ALREADY ARE AT THE BOTTOM! They have taken everything they could from you! You cannot let them take YOU from your sweet babies!"

That was also the day I stepped off the ledge, and began to see all I had, yet stood to lose. That was the day that I reminded myself about the pact I made with God many years before. My boys deserved a mother (and a few years later, we had two girls, making 5 children!) We need to know how to get out the the way, because hearts intuitively know how to heal from their brokenness- I can promise you that.

So, here is what I have learned. Love can come, and love might go, but the most important love of all has been within your own soul, all along. It lives inside of us, and we need to nurture it. Even when we feel alone and empty, it IS still there! It sometimes is a slow-smoldering ember, barely burning at all. Other times, it becomes a raging bonfire, with flames furiously fueling a warmth that causes our passion to glow. Time is a precious thing. Patience is a promise that will deliver. Give it time...

I often say this, and I must say it again; WE ARE STILL HERE! With every "Amen," and "Thank you" that you comment on this page, my soul is fueled. I opened this page because I KNEW I was not alone! I know how much this page and all of YOU would have meant to me in my darkest days! I know how much one single kind word, a reassurance, and a hug can mean for a soul barely clinging on. Not only are we still here, but we are growing in number! That means there are more of us to care and share. That means we are closer to getting my memoir in your hands!

And so, my friends, I ask you this: in honor of my birthday might you please "pay it forward" to someone else? It can involve someone you've never met, and can be as simple as a smile! I would be honored and thrilled with anything you would do to help me celebrate that I and we have come together as SURVIVORS!

Know that before I blow out the candles on my cake, every single one of you will be included in my wish- that we get this book published, by sharing this page and, more importantly, joining my Blog website, WWW.iamdanaandrews.com.

On my special day, and EVERY DAY, I celebrate you! We all remain committed to helping ourselves heal by helping others heal.

💝That's just what we do💝